never more alive..

I just want to start off by apologizing to everyone that checks my blog on a daily basis and has noticed that I have neglected my one duty of supplying posts for you to read. I wanted to post last night, but after the weekend I've had I decided to give myself some time to allow the last few days to truly sink in. I titled this post "never more alive.." because by coming to Alaska, I've truly felt never more alive, free, challenged and worn out in all 21-years of my existence. I also haven't felt the weight of being tied down with anxiety, which has also made a huge impact on my life.

I apologize for writing a novel, however, I think you will enjoy this story.

I hope all of you watched the video that I left in a previous post, Pack Rafting 101, because without seeing it the rest of this post might be a little confusing. So here is a sum up of the last few days. Wednesday and Thursday night I spent 3 hours in a class going over Pack Rafting, what a Pack Raft is, how to inflate and deflate a Pack Raft, what Pack Rafts are commonly used for, etc. On Friday I was able to inflate and enter my first Pack Raft only to have to jump out of it several times and attempt to get back inside of it. I completed all of this with success. Saturday, roughly 9 hours was devoted to being on the Mendenhall River, reading the river, running the river in the Pack Raft, getting out, walking back to the start and doing it all over again. We ran the river a total of 4 times, again, all with success.


Sunday was another 9 hour day, we all arrived at the UAS Recreation Center to gear up for a 5 mile hike through the woods to Eagle Lake and proceeded to run the rapids all the way out to the ocean. Gearing up in the Recreation Center we enjoyed listening to some Wu Tang while folding our Pack Rafts, breaking down our paddles and wrapping our dry suits in order to fill our packs. I will say I was fairly unsuccessful at this. I know a little bit about how to "pack a pack", but it is much harder than it looks. I've never carried that much weight before, especially for such a long distance.

The hike itself wasn't very difficult, however, to reduce weight I'd have to carry down the river I ended up wearing running sneakers instead of hiking boots. Of course, as many of you know, Southeast Alaska is considered a temperate rainforest from all of the rain we receive, therefore hiking in running shoes isn't really recommended. The trail, although was easy in level of difficulty, my feet were soaked very quickly, my shoes had great support, but no ankle support and very little traction on the bottom. Add all of this up and include walking across wooden planks with at least 30 lbs on your back and the situation becomes a potential disaster. Thankfully I made it to Eagle Lake with no serious falls, I was however last in my group which only means that I need to hike more frequently and with heavier weight.

Once arriving at Eagle Lake, more laughs were shared while we ate some lunch, put on our dry suits, inflated our rafts and strapped our packs down. Like the Mendenhall River, the Eagle River has similar level of difficulty when it comes to rapids (other than the 15 foot waterfall which we all managed to eddy out and portage around). However, unlike the Mendenhall River none of us have scouted the river ahead of time to know what comes next. Around each bend new rapids and strainers were waiting to be ran and to trap. The first set of rapids I was excellent, the second set was also great, but the third set got a little tricky.

Unless you've watched an abundance of rafting videos then you probably didn't know that when your raft becomes pinned on a rock, you should lean towards the rock rather than away from it. If you lean away from it you are essentially putting more weight into the water and it will result in your raft flipping and you swimming the rapids. So I became pinned to a rock and because I have had precious training I leaned towards the rock. The water should fill the gap between where my weight used to be positioned in the raft allowing me to swiftly move off the rock, however, this didn't happen. I was still pinned to the rock, thankfully there was a low branch above me that I was able to grab and reposition myself so that I could wiggle myself off the rock. Although, this meant I would have to go down the rapids in my raft backwards because if I tried turning my raft within the rapids I would definitely flip. I read the rapids, I watched Gutschi go through the rapids to see my best route and then I pushed off the rock. I successfully ran the rapids backwards, however while turning my raft around so that the bow would be facing downstream I inevitably flipped the boat and ended up having to offensively swim in order to eddy out. Luckily I managed to keep ahold of my paddle and someone else ended up grabbing my boat. So, falling out of a raft isn't so bad, people can swim through pretty complex rapids. It's just a matter of keeping your nose and toes above the water, breathing in the troughs of the waves and not the  crests, and to offensively swim when you know you're in trouble. Anyways, I managed to make it through several more sets of rapids and was fine!

However, farther down river more and more strainers were around every bend. If you don't know what a strainer is, it can be many things, but it's easiest to be described as a pasta strainer. It is something that allows water to pass through it but doesn't allow anything else to pass through. Well my strainer was a tree. When trees fall in rivers they still have branches on every side of them, the branches that are under the water are impossible to see in glacial water but they allow the swift current to pass through them and the branches really enjoy trapping objects like my raft, paddle and myself included. Strainers are the second leading cause of death in rivers. Let me back up here because I have gotten too far ahead of myself. Farther up river I was about to paddle underneath a tree, with no branches, that had fallen across the river. Most of my group had successfully passed under the tree but I panicked thinking I would hit my head on the tree and shifted my weight too suddenly and fell into the river.

The river was only inches deep in this section, but I was taught in Swiftwater Rescue that if you are not in calm water you should never stand up. This is because standing up in the middle of the river can cause foot entrapment, which is the number one cause of death in all rivers. So I was floating on my back in very swift moving water grabbing at the rocks behind me with my hands attempting to give Forest (my professor) enough time to reach out his paddle to me in hope that I might be able to grab it. Unfortunately with my thick gloves and the strong current I couldn't get a strong enough grip and I continued to drift towards the strainer which blocked the entire river. The depth of the water grew significantly deep and the current picked up making it impossible for me to offensively swim and eddy out. This was when I realized that I was going into the strainer no matter what and I had to take the time to prepare myself.

So there are a few different ways of dealing with a strainer. In almost all cases it is better to get on your stomach and aggressively swim towards the strainer, keep your hands out in front of you push your body up onto the strainer. Now the water will catch your legs and try dragging you under the strainer so this is when you kick for your life. Keep your legs at the surface of the water and never stop kicking until you are well past the strainer. If you simply wait until you hit the strainer to begin kicking your legs you'll get pinned to the strainer and it is impossible to hold yourself there forever. Soon you will begin to panic due to the tremendous force of water pushing your chest against the tree. The second way of handling a strainer is to keep your feet out in front of you and position yourself to hit the tree in a good spot. The only problem with this method is that it should really only be done if the tree is at a 45 degree angle to the current within the water. This will allow you to essentially walk down the tree to shallow, calm water and swim to shore. I chose the second method knowing that it would be difficult for me to pull myself out of the water on top of a tree that was more than 2 feet wide.

So, I braced myself, feet downstream and I hit the tree, locked my legs and tried to stay as calm as possible. Now eventually the water should attempt to pull your head underwater, so it is key to put your hands behind your back, as deep as you can, pushing against the current and driving your hips and head into the air. I did this with my right hand while holding onto a branch above me with my left hand. I kept looking left to shore to ensure that someone was coming to help. Thankfully Forest after realizing I couldn't grab his paddle ran back to shore and began crossing the river slowly to the tip of the tree closest to river left. He managed to pull himself up onto the tree, took his time walking across it because with his weight he wouldn't want to alter the position of the tree and make it suddenly unstable for me. Finally standing in front of me he asked if I were okay and if I was able to continue holding on. I replied that I could hold my position for longer. He then stabilized himself within the tree, reached for my PFD, I bent my knees so that he had a secure hold of me and he pulled me out of the water. I was shocked, I've never been more scared in my life, but then again, I've never felt more alive.

Forest kept asking me if I were okay and I kept asking him what I could do to help. My raft and paddle were pinned next to me and the only way of getting out of the river was to continue rafting it. He managed to pull my paddle out, passed it to me, I walked down the length of the tree and threw the paddle onto land. I walked back up the tree to Forest, then came the tricky part. When a raft flips it means that my pack is underwater, my pack weighs at least 15 lbs and is now soaking wet which makes is incredible difficult to flip the raft right side up. Forest bent down, I held onto his PFD while he flipped my raft over, unclipped my pack from the raft, passed me the pack which weighs 25 lbs now, and he pulled my raft out of the water. We both walked down the tree and jumped back into waist deep water and waded back to shore. This is about when the adrenaline wore off and I started panicking.

Everyone was so impressed with how calm I was and how I was able to use what I learned in Swiftwater Rescue, but I just couldn't stop shaking, I had to keep moving. I drained the water from my pack, reattached it to the raft, put the raft back in the river and started paddling without saying a word. I'm sure all of you know the phrase "getting back on the horse again". Well, I just got right back in the raft and started paddling.

The rest of the trip was very calm and quite relaxing, there were still tons of strainers but all were fairly easy to maneuver around. I'm so thankful to have received the training that I had, for I would not have known how to protect myself. I'm so thankful that Forest was there and rescued me. I am so thankful that I joined the Pack Rafting class, and I can't wait to get back on the river again.




I want to thank my Mum and Dad for not freaking out after telling them that I could have died. I plan on there being many more scares like the one I recently experienced throughout my time in Alaska, it's just that sort of place. I also want to thank them for sending me a great care package full of things that remind me of Maine and home. I am very stocked up on tea at the moment.





If there is anything that you take from reading this novel:
I want you to understand how valuable life is;
I want you to take everything in stride;
I want you to not leave angry or upset;
I want you to always forgive;
and when you love someone, I want you to let them know.